Ha ha look at me and my baggage. Ain’t nobody wanna get wit dis
I’m so friggin sad and lonely. I just don’t understand how some guys can think I’m the most beautiful and wonderful girl they’ve ever met and then the guys that I could actually maybe develop feelings for think I’m the most disgusting thing on the planet and it’s like pulling teeth trying to make conversation with them. I just want to be happy. I know how to be nice. I can do cute things. I have a decent butt that hasn’t been touched in months. Is there a word for like being stir-crazy of being single? Is it…..thirsty? Hahaha that’s probably it and I probably don’t care I’m fucking 17 1/2 years old, still a virgin, can’t keep a relationship for at least 3 months, pure as fresh snow on a baby’s butt or something. Ya know I might say I like being single because then I can do whatever I want and openly flirt with guys but guess what I don’t know how to flirt and I’m very dependent and spineless and prone to loneliness after prolonged periods of time and I just want someone to love me.
I prefer to not wear my seatbelt just in case I do get into a freak car accident and I’ll have a better chance of dying.
Haha charity case swag.
I’ve had this weird new mindset for like the past week. I think there’s something wrong with me. Or maybe it’s just my extreme hatred of myself. Sometimes I wake up honestly sincerely wanting to just kill myself because I don’t have anything to look forward to. Who even cares about me? Sadie? Yeah sometimes. Sheila? Well she loves me but even she has a boyfriend now and come on it’s Sheila. Every single day it sets in more and more that I don’t have a fucking family. Oh here I am living with Abbi and her parents that probably don’t even trust me after all the Riley shit. Haha Riley. I made so many mistakes, took so many risks for him. And look at us now :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) He sure made all of it worth it. He sure stuck by my side. And I’m afraid to keep doing soccer because my shins have been hurting so bad. Sometimes after weight training or some running I can barely walk on my left leg. I just want to make myself proud and I’m doing everything I can but I just end up hating myself more. I’m so tired of everything. I hate my jobs. I’m lonely as fuck. After me and Riley broke up there’ve been 3 guys that wanted to date me. No, no, and no. Then there was a 4th boy whom I kinda almost really liked. Oh but I guess his ex girlfriend moved back here and he immediately stopped talking to me. Oh yes I loved that. I just. Idk. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
